guyyyyyys

I'm spiraling hard
thanks Becky and Ang for keeping me accountable

HAHAHA


but it's baaaaaad frfr

you showed me that it was possible

and now I'm finding it hard to tear away

 

 

Deep conversations with Ando

 

♥

The past month has been a mess of emotions

both conflicting and sobering. 


I've always known our time together was numbered

but knowing there was an ending 
was easier when I couldn't hear it coming. 

Now I can almost feel the countdown

like a metronome I cannot ignore.

The steady ticking beneath every moment

reminding me that even the happiest seconds 

are already becoming memories. 

I listen to the ticking 

and hate how calmly it keeps time.

Mocking me, as if it doesn't understand that I'm not ready. 

 Not ready to loosen my grip.

Not ready to watch the days disappear. 

Not ready for a last moment of which

I won't know is the last until it's already gone. 

 But I know time will keep moving

whether I am ready to let go or not. 

The clock will keep counting down,

while I stand here trying to hold tight to

the one thing I already know I cannot keep.  

 

Youchube ; Dust in the Hallway - J.Brona

♥

One minute I'm trying to get some distance and not spend so much time together

and then the next I'm like aiiight, I'm staying here for the next 4 days 💀


my stooooooooopid ass



Too bad I'm a stage 5 clinger HAHA



♥

Now that the new szn of fortnite is so dogshit 

we back on track to committing to our

crash out plans HAHAHAHA 

♥

 

Getting grilled by Mia and db about the

situationship that I am in

ha ha haaaa.....

Honestly, how did I end up in this mess


Getting massives side eyes from them hahaha


Mia cracking herself up over the fact that

we argued over a song about buttholes.

Yeahhh >______> 

What a butthole 

 Tassie trip was aiiight
wished it was colder. 

Sad only had 30 oysters altogether. 
Not Tanya looking at my snaps and be like 
"Ice cream again?" HAHA 

Hiking cradle mountain in the rain was not it

Tell me how I manage to overpack but also underpack at the same time.

the cbd was pretty doooookie tho 

♥

Feeling so blessed to have y'all in my lifeeeee.

So much love from the birthday messages 

also everyone checking in and wishing me 

luck on my interview too hehe
Truly feels like a fever dream

from newgrad me looking at tanya and thinking 

yeah I want her job to me inadvertently

being on secondment for the same gig. 

Bumped into the HOD consultant outside of the interview room

and she was full trying to psych me up,

giving me a shoulder massage to relax me lmaooo bruh


😭😭 Also very grateful for all the resources

that Tanya and Meisy sent my wayyyy.

I honestly do not think I could have had an interview

easier than this one ever again haha

Thank youuuu Lord 🙏



♥

Youchube ; Where You Been - Ashe Lacey

♥

Holding on tight to the present

because I know I'm gonna miss these moments

when they're gone and we can no longer go back to what was 



♥

♥

Ando my therapist just watching me spiral HAHAHA

♥

Well I guess I'm glad that 

everybody's having a good laugh at my 

crashout/spiraling when I recount it to them.

Also why is half the advice I'm getting 

to hoe out




But really.... maybe a good heartbreak will help me get my shit together

HAHAHA
👀

ayo where the situationships at



♥

I thought I got over this.

Why am I feeling so territorial ;_;




♥

Youchube ; Careful with Me - Waxon

♥

Deep conversations with Ando

 

Been regularly having sleepovers at my friend's

and lowkey felt a bit drained after some of our interactions this week,

despite them spending majority of the time in their office working...
idk guess I do just get annoyed at people easily.

Sooo a very welcome distraction when Ando was free and I was able to talk to him.

Best 3hour call in a loooong while. 

My cheeks hurt from how much I was cracking up. 

Much needed catchup and rehash of our history 
HAHAHAHA

I totally forgot why we drifted apart for so long, 

I am so sorry Ando that I didn't realise

how cut you were for not being on my faves LOL
You my #2 CR hoe (but seriously how dare you had other friends. Coco??)
also thanks for getting/laughing at my jokes HAHA


I just can't believe out of everyone from CR

I am still in touch with Ando and Becky 💛

and now they even live in the same state haha

Was tryna help Ando out and see if Becky would catsit and 

maybe be his friend cos he introverted 👀

Felt so much better after our talk hehe

Honestly some people just recharge/energise you 


♥

Finally had DnM during one of our many slumber parties...

Honestly might be my only friendship where I don't feel like 
I share much about my life or get asked about it but then 

it started making sense the more I annoyed you with

questions and you reluctantly answering. 


Your lack of close friends and how blasé you were about your circle 

left me feeling so down (which annoyed you even more haha)
Me: *quietly sniffling*
You: Are you cold? 
Me: No, I'm tearing up because I can't imagine how lonely it is for you
You: 😡 I don't feel lonely! Stop crying
Me: But I just feel so sad for you


lmfao sounds so condescending but I was legit

trying to stop myself from ugly crying in your bed. 

The maths all adding up now, guess some of them clocked it right

I also finally got to ask the question that's been on my mind a lot.
Should have known that you weren't going to be very forthcoming

 with answers during the dnm sesh.

Glad you don't share the same sentiment that we've fucked up our friendship

but yeahhh
kinda not holding my breath 

because I know where I stand if things ever change... 



♥

When it rains it pours.

Finally got a response from ndis gig

and of course a few hours later 

the consult team CNC calls me to ask if I can cover

her holiday and the mat leave for the next 18months

😶


seriously

2 hours earlier and I wouldn't have accepted the ndis job.

Lucky it's only casual for 10 weeks

but what the heckkkk 

All these stuff ramping up and 

I have my 9 weeks of holidays booked in too

ggbb looks like I'll have to cut my leave short.

HR really gonna be hounding me down

with my 890hours of annual leave rip

my to-do list is getting longer and longer bruuuu

July was supposed to be my reset - get my shit together month


♥

Youchube ; Back to back - Freemn

♥

When you're trying to palm off one of the boys 

to your cousin HAHA

 

 

 

♥

Started off May with so many highlights 

😊

Saw Jason Leong's in laughing memory

show with Ang. Had us cracking up and crying. 


Been working on my paint by numbers gift for Aaron, has not been as relaxing

as I thought. Would much rather do a puzzle but I guess the effort is also part

of the gift? hehe

Last minute long weekend away in Melbourne was better than I expected.
The markets and shops were popppping. 
So happy I got to meet up with Delilah again

and introduced her to my cousin.

Was such a goooood hang. Thank you heapsss for driving us around bbgrl hehe.

 

 

Not the hangout suddenly becoming an impromptu roast for hi5guy lel

Did not expect Delilah and my cousin to go in haha 

He still catching strays- and may forever be


All the meetups and hangs with my people really made me feel re-energised

♥

 

Welp I guess we really went the extra mile and 

 made sure we couldn't salvage 

whatever will be left



^_______^

why am i so self-destructive 

 

♥

Are we making a big mistake? 

I just got you back, 

idk if I'm willing to lose you again 
for something so fleeting



♥

Youchube ; Office Hours - Simple Girl

♥

Our friendship is a bit of a mess

LOL 

I'm glad you're back and here

but also am feeling kinda nervy to where things are heading.
Lets hope I don't end up doing something I will regret later...

♥

In my extroverted phase and making hella plans

that I'm forgetting who I've booked things with 
😬😬 

Really hoping that I haven't double booked

Going melb again next month since my cousins are very bad influence
ggs
Mum's not gonna be happy when she finds out haha

that and the hobart trip.

Tanya was checking in on me asking how I've been since the breakup,

after updating her what I've been up to she says 
"maybe you can pretend to be a little sad" 
LOOOOOL  

 

Was planning to go back live next week or two but now

am just enjoying my alone time too much...

guess I'll be swiping in melbz

lfggg
 

♥

Was catching up at Ang's 

then I sneezed 

and threw my foooking back out

rip

my youth is over

I was mid-juicy story too


Ang felt so bad she got out the metsal and volunteered to massage

me twice 😭💓
and then proceeded to offer me "water" aka soju

thissssss guuuuuuurl


Always a good hang tho
from us doing stretches on the floor to clutching our bellies

gasping for air from how hard we're laughing and then back to podcast-reflections

♥

The more I retell the story the more I'm like 

daaaaaaaym I thought I was petty and then there's you 

LOL


In the moment I brushed it off as your hurt side talking 

but as I look back I am mad that I went the civil&gentle route

while you decided to be a total dickhead about it. 
Was very caught off guard because I never expected/saw

that kind of behaviour from you but I guess thanks for showing me? 
Annoyed that I gave you so much grace and you 

thought that meant I was willing to be your emotional punching bag 

because you can't regulate your own emotions. 

How embarrassing for you.
Two hours of begging followed by a total shitfight.
What an absolute 180 flip though


Choosing not to stay mad about this anymore,

I can't control how someone reacts. 

I can only control the controllable 

and that's myself and my emotions. 


♥

Roasted by Becky

♥

No more clocking in those one day a week hours LOL

The breakup went on for 3hours 

rip 

I knew there was gonna be attempts to negotiate out of it but 

didn't realise how long and intense it would be tbh
Took me so much restraint to not make a joke of it to cut the tension.
Gonna take some time to process the last hour of it because 

I don't know what intentions were really meant from some of the stuff revealed. 

Thanks everyone for joining the ride the past year and sharing all the laughs

from all the icks, triggers and shock stories.
 Plenty of comedy material created along the way. 

Feeling very overwhelmed by all the love from my cousins and mates
😭🥰
My heart is so full right now.


Really blessed to have the girls who helped me 

process and arrive to the decision; Ando and Becky who have been so very patient listening 

to all my crazy stories/giving advice and to my cousins who were my other sounding board, validated me when I felt like I was going crazy but also kept me in line when I was toeing it. Can't wait for Hobart hehe

Last but not least s/o to Aaron who was only there for the beginning and end of this whole thing. 
Really feels like your timing in my life is impeccable. 
So grateful you scouted out the location, invited me to crash at yours, debrief/joke about it, 

holding my hand after and through the night, making sure I was okay. 
The best slumber party ever - even though you put me to work to 

help you set up your lights until midnight haha


I am lowkey excited to see what's ahead but I really want to stay suspended in this moment

because it feels like my cup is overflowing 😭😭💛

 

♥

UMMM so the decision has finally been made 😭
I feel kinda sad about it but relief that I don't have to

keep mulling over it anymore. 


The date and time has been set. 

Not the girls asking if they can come watch the breakup live 

rip

Blooody even Aaron's asking

^__________^

The VIP packages start at $500 guythsss. 
Front row seats, back stage passes and possible meet n greet. 


Been slowly breaking the news to people...

but seriously s/o to my girls, Ando and Aaron (HAHA)

Me telling my cousins that I'm saddd about missing the Hobart trip that we've planned...

👀👀 Thankfully they picked up the hint and somewhat emotional blackmail

and said we can go together instead lmaooo ily


♥

Youchube ; Not Like You - Adam Turley ft. Mason Murphy

 

♥

Ang crashing the anniversary dinner was 

spectacular HAHAHA 

My friends are feral.

Ngl I stressed him out a bit saying that the reservation got changed to table for 4

and then told him dw imma text them that they can't sit with us

😂😂


Me ditching his ass the next day to go reunite with Aaron

HAHAHAH
Spent 6 hours catching up and didn't even make it to kbbq dinner. 

Aaron: I've been going to the gym, have you not noticed?
Me: YOU'VE been going? I'VE been going.... 

Me: 👀 are we just better people apart 

lmao

I've missed us 😭
Thanks for olive branching 3 times HAHAHA

♥

I guess mercury really be in full retrograde 

or whatever bs delilah would call it 😂


buuuuuuuut

Guess who's back in my life again

lmaoo

Kinda interested to see how this will all unfold

♥

Not Tanya still trying to set me up with the RMOs

ded

Retelling the recent story to both Tanya and our pharmacist,

they both be so horrified (mostly at my blunt response LOL)

Tanya just telling me to break up and let him go HAHAHA
And then sweet Bettina telling me "it doesn't get better" 
😂😂

I need King to book in a therapy session with Daphne asap

♥

Youchube ; John K - Cheap Sunglasses

♥

It's been almost a year

and every time I feel like we're making progress,
I somehow find myself back at square one. 

Questioning everything. 

When does the certainty kick in? 



♥

A/NUM was so shittttt

HAHAHAAH

Non stop drama everywhere. 

Cops, AVOs and family drama galore. 

Bloody useless legal team as well.  

So glad the social worker was helping out and sorting what she could

hahahaha she kept saying that I kept it together so well

and didn't look stressed at all

🫠🫠

Guess I faked it too well cos I was absolutely drowning


Not the CNC asking me how long will I need 

to forget how bad it was to agree to cover for NUM again 

😂 foooooooking never mate. 

Am too traumatised. 


Just glad it's over hahaha

Went back to regular shifts and it was chaotic as usual. 

Could tell all the other PM shift people were stressing out

and there's me breezing down the hallway 

cos after the the NUM-ing I'm like

this is an absolute cakewalk in comparison.

Will take this chaos any day. 


♥