End of year notes - review. Possibly tl;dr-itis for all youse

Since a few post-HSC juniors asked for advice from yours truely,

I thought the hell with it, so here's a reflection on '13 experience. 

here's a suuuuper long read

            

Post-HSC '12 was a mess for me, I still hadn't figured which uni degree I was heading for and growing up where my parents pretty much dictated what I should do with my life and what they expected of me didn't help. Not that the amount of minimal support (besides and only Danny) for whatever profession I threw onto the list of possible ideas did much anyway.

 Whilst I desperately searched for what 'emancipation' I thought would come,

I don't think it ever did. Nor do I know what I was really chasing after.

The roadtrip'12 with the not-so-fresh-out-of-highschool-(really in Uni already)- gang, DnM with Jason during our drives and Missy Higgins return with Everyone's Waiting-

 pretty much settled the fact that I would just take things as they came,

and so I began my first year of study at Uni with a side dish full of should-haves and oh-no!'s

With much excitement and regret, my first year was a bit of everything.

First and foremost, I will not create any illusion and delude you

 into thinking that it was all partying and no work.

Quite the opposite my dearies, quite the freaking opposite. If you have an older sibling like myself,

you'll know it is no bullshit.  Honest, I bludged more during HSC than uni.
However, I would tell all you guys that I don't regret not taking a gapyear.

As much as I was constantly reminded by others and myself that I was in a course 

that I hated, it was a great experience and a great way to rack up your HECs debt .
 I'm not going to make it anymore cheesy than it should be but to simply put it,

 all those faces I've met and came across

Not. a. single. regret. except that I'm left scrolling through phonecontacts and trying to remember WHO on a frequent basis... just me?

It was also halfway through the year'13 did I realise and finally accepted I could not and should not

stay and finish a degree I hated simply because it was what my parents wanted or anyone else for that matter. You'd hear it a thousand times "to follow your own dream" and all those unnnn-inspiring quotes, but unless you know how difficult it is for some individuals to actually strive for what they want to do

and not what they are bound to do because of "others" and expectations in place, I don't think you will ever fully understand why it was so far out of our grasp in the first place.

I guess from everything I've said- no matter how suffocated you feel about the expectations
placed on you to not screw up majorly with this "life-decision" and how afraid you are
of all this uncertainty whilst your UAC application is pending. Take it as it comes. Breathe.
You'll get to where you want eventually, of course without needing to mention, you'll need to pay the price of hard work. Though I guarantee, no matter what shit people give you for not knowing and picking
the right decision beforehand, it's absolutely worth it. I would not trade an experience like this for something better, that is if you do not half-ass and make the most of it. Trust.

 I would have ended it with ... and the rest was history.

buuuuuut let's face it, I'm not Brett. LOL. 

Nor am I ready to handle his smug face when he sees it.

ANYWAY, 

onto the latter part of this loong ass post. 

(note: written before Bo's recent return, yet again - we've obviously lost count)

Finding old messages from Bo in my inbox didn't sit well with me and well, life. I'm really tempted to just flood her inbox despite everything... notsure.

I'm the type of person, who as much as I'd like to deny, likes to hold on and preserve what I already have.
 Though I think I'm starting to realise that it's one of those occasions where

I just remembered it better in my head... and what I'm chasing after is far from reality...

As I've said before, for the first time in a while I think I've finally found something I want to pursue after, not anyone else's but solely my own expectations to meet. (DAS RIGHT this middle child finally found the direction in life... or so I think... so long to the driftwood days, floating through life). I've got my eyes on the prize baby or whatever you kids say these days.... puck you and your unnecessary lingo ^__________________^

Since I feel that I've tied myself too closely to the essential need of the internet. I hate myself for it
because I feel married to something I don’t wanna be.  So I salute you guissse and journey on for however long without the distraction of notifications and the concern of what everyone else is doing.

My desire to surf with youuuuuuse on the interwebs and all most social-ass networks therefore comes to a halt.