I'm homesick for a time that no longer exists




♥

Youchube ; The XX - Sunset

what a throwback



♥

Still having doubts about us

 

but whenever I feel like I wanna end things,

 I see green flags 💀 

It's not supposed to be this hard right

I said "peak comedy" 

and the universe did me one better.

Recounted the date to like 5 other people 

and they just be laughing their asses off.

Even managed to shock Tanya into laughing 

😭😭
Swear I have the worst luck

but I guess I'm glad you guys are all having a gas about it



♥

Not the friend who crashed out on me a few months ago

asking me if I'm still mad 

and if we could get coffee sometime


BISHHHHHHH

can't believe you ruined our friendship 

just for you to do a 180

like that wasn't gonna be a dealbreaker

guys are weird

Also fomo for you cos you missed out on peak comedy 

that was my last few months ggs

♥

Yo

guyssss chill pls
 

You scrolling too far back 💀

and who the fooooook is on an ipod touch.

Out yourselves now!

We felt like a lifetime ago.

It's getting harder to remember things. 

Our past is all but a blur.

Echoes of ghosts.



Maybe that's why I still find it hard to talk about us...



♥

DnM with the aussie korner group chat

made me realise I really be the guy in this relationship LOL

ramz and I be like give ussss spaaaace

workmates already making fun of me and 

my "once a week meetup only" limit


And then there's delilah all "I want to live in his skin"
lmfaooooo


I cannot with her


Also not me telling him that I'm so excited

for his upcoming phils trip and asking why he didn't

go for longer 💀


♥

She got me goooood

HAHAHAHA

♥

I hate change

Amy was right that me going part time 

started a domino effect of people also talking about leaving


Not Tash telling me that I inspired her to finally move
😭😭
wasn't even my intention bihhhh

stayyyyyy pls



♥

Youchube ; Jamie Miller - It Is What It Is

♥

"Murder is bad and so is badly concealed deep breaths"


HAHAHAHA

honestly

forgot how funny Thomas train guy was


♥

Sooooo sick of the new clowns at work.

Honestly, culture been taking a nosedive recently.

As great as the new NUM is, she just been fumbling with the hires

and being defensive when ppl complain about her hires.

Miss Paul so muchhhh 😭 at least he would have taken

our complaints more seriously. 

Not Tash reenacting how he would write down all our complaints

in dot points and then confront the person by reading out his compiled list 

HAHAHAHAHA


Next roster so overstaffed and I ceeeebs 

using my annual leave anymore to save ppl from getting deployed.

Especially when a few others are just holding and using their leave when they want.
yeah nahhh not wasting my leave for those selfish asses.

Even Soraya forewarned our manager that only a small core of us are

pulling our weight and also carrying others and we've had enough. 

Manager trying to suss who to get names but Soraya was all "noo I'm not dobbing ppl in"

while I'm next to her using my fingers to count the dropkick names in my head lmaooo
Anyways I finally emailed my manager

that I want to decrease from fulltime hours to work 2 days a week

lfggggg HAHAHA

Manager was not happy, trying to negotiate it to 3/4 days and asking me 
"what's gonna happen to this place then?" like bruuuuuhhh
I warned you/voiced my complaints and also not my circus, not my clowns.

A few of my workmates in disbelief that I've decreased my hours that much

but I think it's time with everything that's happening. 

I wanna keep my peace and not be constantly pissed at the dumbasses I work with HAHAHA

I think I need this to look at facilitating or NDIS job 

more seriously because I know I will make hella excuses when I'm doing fulltime shift work. 

Pushing Vicky to join me in starting NDIS business together hehe

Her telling me that I'm brave and there's me saying I just need to budget better

nekminnit planning a japan trip with my degens ggs

It's not korea but I'll take any winter-ish place over south east asia humidity tbh


♥

Dude said he was bored without saying it

so I said okayyy lemme make this walk by the bay more spicyyy
Roasted him a little too hard that he got upset tho LOOOL

 "don't tell me you're a sensitive ass bish?"

"sorry your sensitive ass feelings got hurt"


💀💀



Turns out I am the toxic one
lmao
My cousin could not deal with me and my backhanded apologies

♥

After talking to Moisty and Tash

made me realise I've maybe subconsciously been keeping 

him and the whole relationship at arms length...

Had another serious chat and was more firm about 

how I do not want to compromise on my thing because I knowww

I will definitely resent my partner later on and his response be as fluffy as last time. 

Appreciate his honesty and answer being as true as it can be in the present sense
but also feels like we're back at square one.
Reassured me that "this relationship just feels right" and
I'm just here thinking glad one of us feels that way lel. 

Asked that he thinks about his answer more seriously, either he makes peace with 

what I've decided or we just breakup because I'm not wasting more time

if this issue is just gonna crop up later on.
Trust me to suggest "maybe we should take a break so you can 

think about it more clearly" which got a quick no 😬


Not delilah telling me to give him a deadline 

to stress him out a little lmao




♥

Had so much fun being a tourist in my own city with Delilah
Also shoutoutz to Lee for saying yes to icecream hangs last min 

HAHAHA

 😭 cutiepatootie offered to drive me home even tho we were 

in his area and I'm hella far from his


Spin class was craaaazy 

Was sooooo not a beginner class LOL

legit felt like I was going to vom.

Not the instructor pulling out the arm weights too
I wanted to dieeee.
Ragrets but still lowkey fun

can't wait for our ngmi trip

hehe

♥

Youchube ; Chris James - The Reminder

♥

Notsure if I'm trying to self-sabotage 

or this is really it

😬

♥

Yayy so excited Delilah's

coming to syd for a short staycation

lfgggg

♥

Everybody just be lovinnnnng the story

whilst I be lowkey dying on the inside.
Honestly whyyyyy 😭

Told my mates I'm gonna make him ride the rollercoaster with me

and suffer together hahaha

Workshopped my confession to the group lel

 start it off with hella drama "Soooo this might be a dealbreaker for you. 

And I'll understand if you want to breakup after..."
HAHAHA

My mates cannot deal with me

but to be fair,

if the roles were reversed

I would want a break

♥

I am a toxica

Found out something that's really ick on my night shift

and trust me to text him in the morning
that I have a confession to make when I see him
which I am horrified about and sorry if it also gives him the ick

then promptly go to sleep

HAHAHAHAHA

letting the suspense and cliffhanger kill him slowly
Got him all worried and shit

Make him suffer with me haha

 Told the story to a few friends and

they just be cracking themselves up.

Not the plot twist I saw coming

 friend's like "this poor guy never knows where he stands with you"

No peaceful moments with me 💅


Mia asking me to livestream my confession to him lmaooo

ye aight

♥

The fud be strong haha

Got moisty so bearrrrish



4eva doxxed

♥

My reading block is so bad 😭😭

Started 6 different books

and haven't managed to finish one.

why am i like thisss 

♥

No more swipes
lowkey gonna miss the first meetups and 

all the funny stories I have to share




Me recounting the whole serious convo to Vicky and she's all

"Don't tell me you went blank??? Why am I not surprised"
lmaooo

♥

Youchube ; Twenty One Pilots - Car Radio

Forgot what an absolute banger this was

Miss you heaps Harry
my little bubblebuttslut

♥

7th date checkin
this guy loves goss as much as the next girl LOL

Also got told that I need to communicate when I don't feel like 

talking instead of ignoring messages for hours HAHAHA

whooops.

taking all my dates to my fave place in liddy, might as well get a referral reward
hahaha


♥

When all you see is green flags 
but you're just too comfortable being single

zzz

kinda feeling dead inside tbh

It's getting a tad exhausting

especially when quality time is his love language and 

I just need my downtime to recharge my social battery.
Can't deal when every date is 4+hoursss long

6th date in and dude's trying to hang out longer after dinner&dessert 

and there's me saying "I can't WAIIIIIT to get home" (to shower and chill)

lmaoo oops why am I like dis
 

The roster gotta keep on going tho 😂

♥

The group knows me too well 

lmaooo

am a noseyy ass bish

shoutoutz to ramzyyy

picking up delilah's slack hahaha


♥

Youchube ; Alma Desnuda - Baduquai

♥

ngl what you said really got to me and 

fucked with my headspace. 

Especially because I've never been told/spoken to like that before. 

Lowkey makes me sick just thinking about all you said. 

Went to Mia's to chill and kinda decompress. 

Wanted an opinion from someone who would be straight with me. 

In the midst of explaining things to her 

and admitting to my own faults

I just couldn't believe how hard I was defending you.

Mia really called me out for that. 

Showed the girl the receipts and she fucking losttttt it.  

Kinda glad debbei was not there cos she would have went mental

and told me offfff for copping all your shit.

 

Upon further reflection of what you said, I can't believe I stayed so composed

because you were on a warpath of character assassination.

I fucking cried just reading your texts out loud to Mia

and I have neverrrrr teared up in front of her.
Girl just stayed so calm and collected telling me
"no that is not who you are, he does not know you"

while I'm bawling my eyes out. 

I guess in the end you just had such high expectations from our friendship

and couldn't accept me for who I am.
Mia also pointed out from all your whining about my recent "ignoring persona"
and entitlement to my time that not once did you think maybe I was going through my own shit

and check in, actually ask what was going on.
You just wrote me off.

Bit of a red flag if two people have asked me whether I was your only friend tbh. 

Guess it's hard to be happy for others when you're not happy with yourself. 

You begrudged me for going on dates though wanted a debrief about them

and almost always continued to shit on them.
In a way, glad this all came to head NOT the way you went about it but

thank you for showing me who you are. 

I have no space for a calculative friendship in my life. 

Me telling Mia that maybe I could learn from this

 something to reflect and work on/change

and her just straight NO. You do not.
and suggesting that I should have sent you links to a therapist lmao


Anywayss this is my last post about this cos I am done.

I'm going to stay grounded with what Mia has told me 

because I need to trust someone who has known me for close to two decades

over someone who has only been in my life for a season. 

But I will do better.

 

 

 

Good riddance.

♥

byeeeeeee

Kinda hard catching flakkk 

from a friend about how

you don't value them and ending the 1.5years friendship.

And it's all coming outta left field because

dude's been biting on his tongue for that long about 

things that truly bothered him.


Not denying that I'm not a shitty person

who sucks ass at replying but
babes I didn't realise we were dating, the fuck. 

Get off my dick. 

How you gonna go on about how I don't look at you when we hang/

be mad that I wished you a hbd a day late when I was on night shift 💀

Yeah I'm sorry I prioritised dates before you,

I may be bad at planning but I'm no flake.

Sometimes I seriously just do not want to talk. to. anybody. after work 

but you took personal offense to that.

Also sucks that you didn't want to really hear my side, just went on full attack so whatevz

you've already made your mind up.

Sorry that you didn't feel valued.


IDKK I guess people have different expectations of friendships

but I hate haaaaate when people start calculating what I do for you vs what you do for me. 

Like foooook that. But also if the friendship meant so much would you 

not communicate all these issues to me earlier, instead of dumping it on me

all at once and be done with it.

How you gonna expect any relationship to work without letting 

the other person know shiii and giving them a chance to grow


Anywayssss that was eye opening

lowkey making me paranoid tho hahaha

Am just glad I stayed somewhat mature throughout that

and not let it get heated cos your gurl not very good at holding back

on those hurtful truthbombs.

Respond, being reactive is not productive.

----



Thank you Delilah and Ritty for listening to me 😭

even though you guys were in the middle of roadtripping.
Not Delilah tryna cheer me up and start roasting

Hahaha


♥

You didn't really care 

what I had to say.

You just wanted to be go through

your laundry list and then shit on anything I say

marking it as an excuse.


Sometimes life just gets the better of you.

 

People are justified to their emotions,

but don't be putting words in my mouth.


♥

Got the ick from just one message lmaoo

💀💀

why am I like thisssss




♥

Youchube ; Sasha Sloan - Older

♥

Are we not gonna talk about how absolutely 

stunning Siobhan Cullen was in Bodkin?! 

🤌


♥