Praise the Lord

With new grad application approaching I have been stressing to the max
for the last few months, cos of my clinical referee- or lack thereof. 

Esp since it had to be someone of position manager/educator/facilitator.

I was banking so hard on my last placement's facilitator but that didn't work out too well.

On top of that some other things didn't go according to what I had planned either.

And this really reminded me of how naive I was to make my own plans,
instead of seeking guidance from God. 

Honestly, I'm ashamed to say for the past year or more I'd been neglecting God
so much and living my own life and my own ways.

I was stuck in a rut with constant worries over newgrad
and this seriously affected me every day (worrywart4eva).
It got to the point where I just couldn't deal anymore
and so I decided to ask and look for some guidance through the bible and praying.
I was never much of a bible-reader but somehow I found K. Krell's work on Genesis' book.

Legit going through verses and explaining/relating to real life/ prompting personal qs

and it seriously helped me get into my Quiet time. 

Through his chapter by chapter analysis, some of his quotes had really resonated with me

during my time of stress...

"It’s amazing how a personal crisis can improve one’s spiritual hearing. Often the bottom has to drop out before we’re ready to listen to God. He has to bring us to our knees so that there is no other place to look but up."

"Even though the circumstances of life may not seem to go our way, God is in control. He will orchestrate His purposes behind the scenes. We can lean on Him. He will be faithful to us."

Through my quiet time and regularly praying for guidance and trusting in Him,

it really was like a load was taken off my shoulder and I wasn't stressing as much.

and soon the answer to what I should do about my clinical ref was so obvious

but smth I didn't bother thinking about because it was just "as if" and also fear of rejection.
Anyway, I reached out to my past clinical facilitator (who were kinda flakey)
from a year ago through email
and during my procrastination stage of emailing (fear of rejection again) I was 

praying that I would trust that whatever happens would be within His plans

and that in the end it would all work out.

Yes. I worried over my email being ignored or replied too late and a bunch of other things

but I put all my trust in Him and prayed the morning I finally sent it. 

AND PRAISE THE LORD

Because when I checked after work in the afternoon there 

was an email reply sitting in my inbox. 

What I guess I'm trying to say is,
I am so grateful that someone as undeserving as me
am able to experience blessings from God.
And that despite me veering off the path, He is always there waiting with open arms
to accept me and take my troubles away and comfort me.

I'm just awed at His grace and love for me. 

♥